i am so confused.
i dont know what to do.
it hurts and it makes my head a messed up place and my chest is so tight.
I cannot figure out what should i do to make it better.
to make it all go away.
I hate how if feels like i am losing something, and that something i know i will never be able to replace.
he doesnt mind, but i do, i wont put up my ego, i love him.
and i will do anything, it's just that he changed to someone i dont recognise, and he does not want to hurt me, or does not want me to go. or does not want someone missing from his life suddenly. i dont know which. i am in such a mess.
i dont know where am i, what am i doing, and how to make it better. the minutes pass by like hours and it is all i can do not to call and check up on him and all he is doing.
I have such a excruciating time and he knows it. but he does not know what he can do to help, and he wont because he says he cannot care.
i dont know what to do. i really dont know what to do.
i want to shut of my emotions. i want to get out of the habit of loving him.
i want to be okay. i want the happy life back, the past few months of bliss. so beautiful, but gone now.
i am in denial about the fact that things are this way. and despite his promises i am afraid he will go back on his words even on the final thign he promised.
his actions show he dont care anymore. but he does make a tiny effort to do so. i dont know what to do. it hurts, it hurts so much.
my trust for him is broken, my heart, once full and always open, now bruised and battered and shredded and burnt to the ground, the memories, always haunting me, always reminding me of the days i thought eveyrthing will be okay.
the world, stopped spinning.
my world, revolved around him.
and everything came to a standstill.
i am left here, in a place i have never seen before, in a pool of my own pain.
and he is unsure of whether he wants to save me or not.
he wants me by his side, but not like before anymore. and we'll have to wait. i have to wait again,