8th of March

I guess I have calmed down. And I am starting to really, willingly shed that skin that took me ages to peel off.
I guess now, I understand many things I didn't before, or rather, accepting many things I couldn't before.
I understand it's what people do not say, that matters the most.
Its the darkest corners of every single human being, the parts kept hidden away, that matters the most.
The pain and suffering, everyone has that. Noone is exempted from it, that's life.
So
We are all incomplete, we are all flawed.
But
We are all unfair, and all differently priviledged.

 Waking up, to see that there is much to do, to change and re-orientate, it is vital for survival.
Maybe to get a little control back for myself, or maybe to fulfil my dream of exploring the world, this world that I havent even started on really knowing.

Many do not know, many do not dare to feel. Becuase it is painful.
But I will understand everything is just a way of coping, a way of understanding, and a way of reacting.

To close my eyes everyday, and feel the pain again, i have learnt to remind myself of the reasons again, because, this is just how the body works.
I may succumb to it, but it is healthy, and it is normal.
To open my eyes everyday, having to convince myself for some time, remind myself that this feeling is not real. Read, think, remind myself.
and its getting better. Less unbearable. is the pain subsiding, or am i getting stronger?

Either way, it will be better in time. It's just the beginning. and i was lucky. really lucky. I still am.