Hi, do you think..
Is there an alternate reality, another image of us, happily celebrating another month together? I might write you another letter, perhaps have made something for you, dressed up, taken a few more pictures. Kissed you for the entire day, hugging you and thanking you for being in my life. For being my lucky star that I did not see coming.
Is that alternate reality worth pining over?

No, I would leave it right where it is.
It still hurts. And it still seems crazy how things have turned out to be.

I have been oscillating between blaming myself and blaming you, just to pin the pain on a definite cause.
But, I guess I know deep down there won't be an answer that can fully explain everything.

It is really insane. It seems I got so unlucky and landed on an impossible dimension, where the things you said you would do eventually turned out to be just words, and where I could screw things up to this extent even when I was trying to be exceedingly careful.

It is so hard to accept. But here we are now.

I know, I have so much in the future. I know I will be ok I know I will fly ever higher than before.

 But it is so difficult to imagine that you would not be a part of my future.
There was so much I wanted to give and share with you, yet suddenly I find myself with so many movies to watch, places to explore, things to do and restaurants to go, all with a person-shaped hole in my heart.

Yes, it was only a short time. But you did leave a mark right here, when you said there are a million things you wanted to do with me, when you said you were ready for everything that is to come. I was convinced. I told you, when I love, I give my all. I believed unwaveringly.
 And then you left without fighting for me, you left without the patience to grow or learn together.
I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. It is so... impossible to understand.

But anyway, these are just my own thoughts. I know better than to force anything, or to hang on stubbornly. I got through the first, second, third weeks, and I will get through many more.

Maybe I am rambling, but I just wanted to say things that I cannot say to you now. I dont know where you are, I dont know what are you thinking, I dont know if you are still hurting, I dont know if you even think of me at all.

But I just wanted to say, happy monthsary.