I condense the pain, into little pills.

Everyday, when I can, I consume a pastille. When I go overboard, when I get my hopes up, I take one and reel myself in back to reality.

Every time I need to think of you, I ration them. I let 10 tears fall, I let 20 fall. But I don’t go over a hundred. 

I know very well soon I will be unable to make any more. I will run out of memories to draw from. I will start to feel you were never in my life. 

Till that day, you’re my drug. I have all these capsules, I have to finish them or else I won’t know if it was real anymore. 

I have to keep hurting to know you once existed. That there was a me that once believed. Sometime in the distant past.